How alive do you feel?

To feel alive, we need to work on our attitude and presence more than on our circumstances.

I remember a conversation with a founder in transition who described worthwhile goals that made sense, but I kept pushing him to look further. What was it really that he was aiming for?

‘I want to feel alive,’ he said.

I know the feeling. Actually, both feelings: not feeling alive, just going through the motions, and feeling alive, without any particular reason. Like, dancing in the kitchen because why not?

You know both of them, too. If you don’t feel fully alive now, remember what it was like when you fell in love for the first time, and it was reciprocated. Whatever was happening if your life was a reason to feel joy. Good weather? Great! Heavy rain? How beautiful!

You probably could have been hit by a car at that moment, and it wouldn’t have bothered you that much because you felt a connection to something much more important. In a sense, you were not distracted.

We feel alive when we feel what’s happening in the present moment and are okay with it. We don’t feel alive when we are numb and can’t feel much. In particular, we don’t feel alive when we’re lost in our thoughts and, therefore, don’t have an opportunity to feel what’s happening right now.

You’re either in your thoughts or the present moment. When you feel awed by a sunset for a few moments, it’s because the experience is so beautiful it pulls you into it, and you forget about anything else.

That’s why a common strategy for feeling more alive is to increase the intensity of the feeling. If a quiet afternoon at home doesn’t make me feel alive, let me sign up for skydiving. Sure, that will create an intense emotion that will pull me into the present moment and make me feel more alive. And, in a way, it works.

But we can feel intensely alive when we’re present to whatever’s going on right now, even if it’s something as mundane as the sight of blue sky.

What does all of this have to do with founders in transition?

Nearly every founder considering stepping down is looking to feel more alive. Nearly all of them are looking only at the external circumstances: a less stressful life, doing something else they enjoy more, spending more time with family and in nature, etc.

There’s nothing wrong with this. We need to work with our circumstances and change them as needed.

However, we must also work on how we show up in the moment. Otherwise, we’ll keep flying around the world, looking to be awed by the view of a sunset over the ocean, not noticing a rainbow on our doorstep. Learning to be in the moment is the key to it.

In this track, Burgs really says everything there’s to be said about feeling alive:

It doesn't actually take very much to make the deepest part of us incredibly happy
You know?
Just to be here, just to appreciate
Appreciate being here
To feel that you're alive
To be in touch with your heart
That's it

(If you like this track, he’s got four albums’ worth of incredible music, none of them on Spotify. And a bit more on Insight Timer.)

I can’t tell if you should feel more alive. Whether it’s one of the things on your radar is your choice.

However, what I can say is that if you do want to feel alive, if you do want to feel the vitality of your spirit, if you do want to find out if life has more to offer, changing your circumstances isn’t enough.

You must learn how to be more present to what’s actually going on in the moment. Otherwise, you might discover that changing your circumstances did little to change how you feel.

Let me wrap up with the words of Martha Graham, who spoke about dancing, but she really spoke about what it takes to feel alive: knowing how to be intensely present to the life force that’s already in you:

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open ...

No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

If you’re a founder CEO considering a transition to the next chapter in your life and feeling more alive is part of what’s driving you, remember this: changing your circumstances might well be necessary, but changing how you relate to the present moment is indispensable.